The Cuppa Conquest is my quest for the perfect tearoom. My family loves a good cuppa and cake, and we visit many whenever we go out. Cuppa Conquest is my way of logging which is the best at what.
Each cuppa is rated in 5 categories, each category being out of 5 points:
Cake, the quality of the baked goods (oft cake)
Cuppa, the quality of the hot drinks
Cafe, the quality of the establishment itself
Cost, the reasonability of the pricing
Conquest, the bonus category where I award points when I feel like it
These ratings are each multiplied by 4 then combined to calculate the Comprehensive Cuppa Coefficient. This is the score used to compare each tearoom.
Smallsticks Cafe
Cake:
4
/ 5
Cuppa:
5
/ 5
Cafe:
4
/ 5
Cost:
4
/ 5
Conquest:
3
/ 5
Overall Rating:
80.0%
Smallsticks Cafe is a wonderful little establishment. I genuinely cannot fault the cake and hot chocoalte I ordered, with both being made to perfection. One point is subtracted from the cake category due to a lack of variety, but the actual cakes themselves are smashing. Reasonably priced too, mind you. The cafe itself is a nice little place, just by the beach, which is where I headed when done indulging. Lastly, this cafe is awarded 3 Cuppa Conquest bonus points for the fact that I ordered only a medium hot chocolate but the lady brought me a large one because she accidentally made too much. It is worth noting this is a cafe I verily intend to go back to.
Dunes Cafe
Cake:
4
/ 5
Cuppa:
3.5
/ 5
Cafe:
5
/ 5
Cost:
5
/ 5
Conquest:
2
/ 5
Overall Rating:
78.0%
This quaint little cafe is stationed at a lovely old thatched barn: a most scenic location indeed. A decent hot chocolate, and the baked goods were good, though I subtract a point for the fact that their scones come prepared somewhat akin to a sandwich. This would not be a problem were it not for perhaps this cafe's most redeeming quality: the incredibly value. All of the cakes are quite gargantuan, and yet somehow priced cheaper than you would find in other places? 'Tis utterly baffling! Never before have I seen pastries so great in size before! Hence the easy five out of five in the cost category. This cafe is awarded 2 Cuppa Conquest bonus points for the immense size of all baked goods.
Gusto Ricco
Cake:
5
/ 5
Cuppa:
3
/ 5
Cafe:
5
/ 5
Cost:
3
/ 5
Conquest:
1
/ 5
Overall Rating:
68.0%
The cake at this cafe cannot be faulted. The selection of cakes is brilliant and said cakes were unfaultably delicious. The hot chocolate was nice, but nothing special. The cafe itself, though, is the loveliest little place. It's very cute and rustic and I really enjoyed it. However, perhaps not the most financially feasible outing, since my slice of salted caramel cake did set me back £5, something which, quite sneakily, was not labelled on the menu, nor the label of the cake stand. This cafe is awarded 1 Cuppa Conquest bonus point because I just really do love its rustic interior.
Grantchester Orchard Tea Rooms
Cake:
5
/ 5
Cuppa:
4
/ 5
Cafe:
3
/ 5
Cost:
1
/ 5
Conquest:
1
/ 5
Overall Rating:
56.0%
Don't let the middling percentage score deceive you: this tearoom excelled in what matters the most, being the actual drinks and baked goods. The hot chocolate was absolutely flawless, being a delight even without the inclusion of extras like whipped cream; and the scones were mighty things, being nearly the size of bricks. However, the biggest letdown was the pricing. Everything was ungodly expensive, except perhaps the drinks. I pity you if you come here for something to luncheon rather than for teatime, with the cheapest lunch item being £9. Worth it? Perchance, depending on your willingness to pay for a well stocked tearoom. The café itself was nice looking, but we were forced outside, so it's given a middling score since I can't actually rate it. This tearoom is awarded one Cuppa Conquest bonus point for being in Grantchester, the scene of iconic show Grantchester.
Ranworth Tea Shop
Cake:
4
/ 5
Cuppa:
2
/ 5
Cafe:
4
/ 5
Cost:
2.5
/ 5
Conquest:
1
/ 5
Overall Rating:
54.0%
The cake was very good here, though lacking in variety. My hot chocolate was nothing exceptional, though. The tearoom itself is a quaint little place, stationed just by the broad. And, prices were about benchmark. This tearoom is awarded one Cuppa Conquest bonus point for having a myriad of ducks stationed right outside it: their company was appreciated.
